We have created an application that should be suitable in finding out whether your are a good match for Jon.
It has pained me to see him so depressed out being single. (Besides today)
If you are interested please fill out the application and post it in the comments.
Application for dating Jonathan Allen Dean
Are you a female?
What is your sexual orientation?
Are you attracted to this man (Kind of an important detail):
Are you Straight-Edge?
If not, please stop filling out this application and continue with what you were doing previously.
Are you vegetarian?
If not, you should consider the positives that would come out of it.
Do you know whose team your on?
Do you know what Dolemite is going to be pulling out?
Do you have a socially awkward laugh? Or, do you laugh at times when they are not necessary?
Are you “Ogre-Height”?
Will I find you attractive? If even to the slightest it will work.
Can you cook vegan for Jonathan?
Are you following me?
What would would you refer to me as a secondary name?
Do you have the intelligence of a mole-rat?
Do you have any socially awkard diseases and, or STDs?
Are you a cool person?
Will we spare you during the Epic Apocalypse?
Do you shop at Wal-Mart?
Name one famous person you despise.
What are your opinons on the Twilight series?
Write me a poem.
1. Yeah.
ReplyDelete2. Straight!
3. Sure.
4. I suppose but not to the extent where I write SXE on my hand and take pictures for myspace, though...
5. Yep.
6. I'm on a team of my own, really.
7. I have no idea what that means.
8. No, and maybe, I am just easily amused sometimes.
9. No, I am normal height for a female.
10. Maybeh. Your call, not mine.
11. Vegan? That's...pushing it. Vegetarian, sure. I've attempted vegan cooking but I ain't no master chef yet.
12. On Twitter? No. Irl? No.
13. I'd first ask why you needed a secondary name before deciding upon what that should be.
14. No. Mole-rat's can't read and write, and I'm clearly doing both.
15. No on both counts.
16. I'd say I can be pretty awesome.
17. No, I'd be sparing YOU.
18. I buy candy there. And pop.
19. No one, 'cause honestly they've done nothing to me. I just ignore them.
20. I will admit I've enjoyed the series BUT I'm not so keen on the sparkly vampire shit...and am not a crazed fan girl...I mean I enjoyed Anne Rice's books too, yk?
21. Haikus are easy
But sometimes they don't make sense
Refrigerator
My favorite haiku. Along with the most perfect answers ever besides ever going into Wal-Mart.. Nowai this is real. But whoever you are, I still love you.
ReplyDeleteNO RESPONSE FROM PERFECT GIRL? This saddens me.
ReplyDelete1. Yurp
ReplyDelete2. lol vegan
3. Yes
4. A leotard.
5. Fuck yea
6. Six foot two
7. No.
8. Yes
9. WHERED YOU GO
10. Captain shit fucker upper
11. AND THEN SOME
12. NO
13. Not really
14. Ok?
15. Fuck no
16. HANNAH FUCKING MONTANA
17. Faggotshit
18. Poems don't need to rhyme.
So this one does.
This isn't a metaphor.
Or is it.
DICKBUTT.
Female, pansexual, yes, yes, yes, as far as what, no, always, no, I dont know, yes, no, bunny, no, no, no, no, no, Nicholas Cage, fucking awful shit - hate it too much to type here, no.
ReplyDelete1. Yes
ReplyDelete2. I like guys.
3. He's kind of a cutie, but I'm dying to know what his hair looks like
4. For almost ten years!
5. Nope, I'm fucking vegan.
6. I don't really care as long as we win, I'm addicted to winning.
7. Isn't Dolemite a blacksploitation movie?
8. I'm socially awkward all the time. I laugh when I'm nervous, usually it's at an inappropriate time.
9. I'm five feet tall. Does that count?
10. Um, maybe? You've already seen me. You be the judge.
11. Fuck yeah. I make a mean tofu stir-fry. I make really good vegan meatballs with brown rice and lentils, I'm pro at veggie sushi and I make really good pasta salad with lentils and mushrooms.
12. nope.
13. John-O.
14. I'm a fucking genius, dude.
15. Not that I know of.
16. It's what I've been told.
17. I sure as hell hope so.
18. Nope. I've never been inside a Wal-Mart. Ever.
19. Dane Cook.
20. I think they're the worst piece of crap to be unleashed on the literary world and it's ruining the lives of adolescent girls.
21. Give me some more time and I'll write you a fucking sonnet in ful imabic pentameter.
Hah, what the fuck is this?
ReplyDelete1. Yes, generally.
ReplyDelete2. I like men.
3. I supposeeeee.
4. Yes.
5. Nope.
6. I understand the positives of vegetarianism, but I would rank meat as an addiction.
7. My team.
8. dolewhaaaat?
9. It's only awkward because its loud and yes, I laugh at the worst possible moments.
10. a bit. i'm 5'9.
11. a little bit. hopefully slightly enough.
12. i <3 cooking.
13. don't turn around.
14. whatever you'd want? nicknames don't matter to me.
15. no, i'm pretty fuckin smart.
16. nope.
17. this is a rhetorical question, obviously.
18. yes because i know exactly how to survive.
19. sometimes.
20. julia fucking roberts.
21. i. absolutely. despise twilight.
22. roses are red, violets are blue, don't think this is too forthright, but i'd fuck you.
1. Are you a female? Thankfully, Yes.
ReplyDelete2. What is your sexual orientation? Heterosexual.
3. Are you attracted to this man (Kind of an important detail): Yes :)
4. Are you Straight-Edge? Yes!
5. Are you vegetarian? Not currently.
6. Do you know whose team your on? Your team!
7. Do you know what Dolemite is going to be pulling out? Isn't Dolemite a mineral?
8. Do you have a socially awkward laugh? Or, do you laugh at times when they are not necessary? Not that I have been made aware of!
9. Are you “Ogre-Height”? I am half ogre height...
10. Will I find you attractive? I'm not vain, but I'd hope so!
11. Can you cook vegan for Jonathan? I'd try. I know how to make spaghetti :)
12. Are you following me? Nope...
13. What would would you refer to me as a secondary name? whatever comes about I suppose, but I like your name the way it is.
14. Do you have the intelligence of a mole-rat? Way smarter!
15. Do you have any socially awkard diseases and, or STDs? Nope.
16. Are you a cool person? Always :)
17. Will we spare you during the Epic Apocalypse? Yes!
18. Do you shop at Wal-Mart? Occasionally.
19. Name one famous person you despise. Jessica Biel.
20. What are your opinions on the Twilight series? I'm on strike, I hated the way it ended.
21. Write me a poem. Rock, Paper, Scissors, Lizard, SPOCK!